As you know, my back has been hurting me for a few months now. I was referred to Dr. Hirshman, who specializes in chronic back pain. I had to leave school a little bit early, but I knew that I would have to go back after my appointment. I met with the nurse and gave her my information. I was really nervous, and she called me out on my splotchiness! Ha. She had me do all kind of range of motion moves, and I described to her what was going on. Dr. Hirshman came into the room, and he did some more range of motion moves also. He asked all about the pain that I was feeling. My pain is on the right side of my lower back, right where the pelvis bone meets the spine. I also have had some pain shoot down into my right hip. He looked very concerned and serious, and said that he had a suspicion of what I might have. He said that it was either muscle related or I have a condition (he called it a disease in the office-umm..scary!) called discogenic disorder. I told him that my PT had ruled out my pain being muscle related. He pursed his lips together, and said that he really didn't think it was muscular but the other disorder as well. Well as soon as he said, "I suspect that you have a disease called discogenic" he totally lost me. I am pretty sure that my body when into a shut down mode due to the shock of thinking that I have a disease! I also explained that I leave for a 18 day trip to Europe on Monday. I was hoping that he would reassure me, tell me that he could fix it, etc. Well he did none of those things. He just looked at me with this sad expression on his face that basically screamed "You probably don't want to do that." However, I did not straight up ask him what he thought I should do. I was too scared to hear the answer. So he finished his evaluation, and he wants me to have an MRI done asap, so the nurse is supposed to schedule one for tomorrow afternoon, and I have a follow-up appointment with Dr. Hirshman on Friday.
Well I left the office fighting back tears. I think that I had a lot of pent-up emotion in me, and this news was just too much. The medicine that I have been on has caused me to be extra-emotional (shocking I know) and I have felt anxious a lot of the time. I have been so careful at controlling my anxiety the past few weeks and not giving in to my tears, but I just let it all out on my way back to school. I called my mom and Rebekah and talked to them. Talking everything out always helps me, so I was able to calm down by the time that I walked back into the school. After I had a few hours of perspective and time to calm down, I feel like I had processed the information that the doctor had given me.
As of now, I will have the MRI tomorrow, go to my doctors appointment on Friday, hopefully be prescribed a strong pain pill, and be on my way to Europe on Monday! My fear is that my back pain will start becoming unbearable after flying all of the way over there. I am trying to hold down my anxiety, and give my fears to the One who can conquer all. Please join with me in prayer, as I seek wisdom from God and ask for a painless trip.
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