Survival Mode

I have survived my first full week of school! I feel that since I came out alive, then I can face the rest of the school year. This week was wonderful in so many ways. Each day got better and better. My students are sweet and hard workers, the other teachers have been encouraging, and most of all- I SURVIVED! :) I never felt discouraged or that I couldn't do the job. I just feel like I can't be a great teacher right now and that bothers me. I expect things out of myself that I cannot reasonably achieve. I go into the other teachers classrooms and see their centers, KWL charts, etc and cringe because there is none of that in my classroom, and I feel like I am failing as a teacher. But I honestly cannot be doing anything else. I am trying to keep my head above water by just doing what I can. I plan for the week ahead, but am changing things day-to-day. I see things that aren't working in my classroom and so I will change it for the next day. I feel so bad for my students because I keep changing routines and procedures around on them- poor dears! People keep asking me if I am a strict teacher, and I have to say yes and no. Yes because I expect my students to behave, but no in the sense that I feel bad for them since I keep changing everything up on them! I try to be a little lenient because I know it's hard on them. (I know this post is all over the place. Please bare with me!) I keep telling myself that it's only the first week and things will keep getting better. Each week means a steadier pace, an easier routine, and it means that I will keep figuring out what works best for me and my classroom. I don't feel like my students are learning anything, and that makes me feel horrible! I really do feel like I am doing my best- it's just not enough! AH! So frustrating! :) Many people have told me that the first year is awful, that I am feeling normal, that at the end of the year the students really will do well and graduate to the 5th grade, and that the 2nd year is a little bit better, and the 3rd year is when you feel like a seasoned teacher. I am so thankful to have this job, and I am thankful to be at the school where I am at. I know I am there for a God-ordained reason, and am excited to see how He works in me and through me this year. My prayers is that my students see the light of Jesus Christ shining through me even when I am frustrated and frayed!

On a different note, I am excited to say that I am a new small group leader for the 8th grade girls at my church. I grew up going to HPC, and loved the youth group. I have so many memories that involve youth friends and lots of trips! This past year I had been praying about where I would go to church when I moved back to Madison. Through a series of events, the Lord has put on my heart to stay at my home church. There is a new Sunday community group for people in their 20's which I am thrilled about! This weekend we had a 1 night small group leader retreat, and it was deja vu! My old youth pastor is now the pastor of youth and families, and he lead the retreat. It is such a wonderful feeling to know that I grew up in this church and had wonderful people invest in my life. I hope that I can be one of those "special people" for the 8th grade girls! Even though sometimes (or all the time) I feel like I am back in 8th grade and not an adult with a real job! HA!

I am now laying in bed (at 8:15pm), and I am about to turn out the lights! Here's to a new week!