Independence

Once again, this post will be a hodgepodge of my thoughts lately! I haven't written anything in a while purely because I wasn't exactly sure how to process everything. First, I want to thank everyone who has called me, text me, facebooked me, or left a comment on one of my posts. I read all of them, and I appreciate them so much. My soul is refreshed and encouraged daily!

We are now into our 3rd full week of school, and I can't believe that so much time has gone by. I feel like I have learned a TON, and I am constantly changing my perspective in the classroom. There is still so much that I do not know, but there is so much that I am figuring out. I think I have written this before (HA!), but one of the biggest changes at my new school is the lack of team teaching. Yes, we plan as a team and we are all friendly, but it is completely different than team teaching. I have learned (and am still learning) how to be completely independent of others and completely dependent on myself. I had my first big breakdown last week, and sweet Amy was there to invite me to dinner so I could sit at her house and cry! We made dinner and watched Friends, the perfect way to change my day around. There wasn't one specific thing that happened, I just all of a sudden felt like a steamroller had hit me. If you are are a teacher, then you know what I mean by "there is so much STUFF you have to do!" There are papers to grade, parents to call, tests to type, homework to plan, centers to plan, lesson plans to complete and type out, school paperwork, weekly newsletter to type, filing old papers, keeping yourself (and the students) organized, differentiating instruction, ETC. I can usually handle it and deal with the stress, but I just got worn out last week. I have to learn how pace myself, and this week has been much better.

I would like ask all of you to please pray for the Lord to give me patience and grace to show to these babies! I truly do LOVE my students and think they are precious, but oh my goodness can they frustrate me. They have absolutely NO idea how to read AND follow instructions, and they are constantly asking me the same questions 25 times a day. I know it doesn't sound bad, and you might think "oh then just make sure that you speak all of the instructions and write them down". I do BOTH of those things for everything that we do. I am learning at what pace these students learn at, and so it is a constant balance of keeping them busy, but not overwhelming them. So please pray for me to speak with the love of Jesus because goodness knows I need it and they need it. :)

I have titled this post "Independence" for two reasons. I already mentioned above that I have had to adjust to being on my own in the classroom. I am also learning how to be independent in my everyday/social life. To take you back a few years..I graduated with a high school class of 10. 8 girls, 2 guys. Throughout college, I stayed close friends with several of those girls. At Mississippi State, I lived with 3 of my close friends, 2 of which I graduated high school with. We did everything together, and I loved every minute of it. The Kristin you see with her best friends and the Kristin you see in a big crowd of people that she doesn't know is completely different. My mom likes to say that I have a "stone face" when I am in a social situation with people that I do not know. I am not forward, bubbly, won't go introduce myself to others, etc. It's really weird, and I know it's because of all of my insecurities. Well being back in Madison, I have had to learn how to live my life without my best friends with me at all times. Last semester was a really hard adjustment, I'm not going to lie. (This post is going somewhere, I promise!) I also was having difficultly figuring out where I wanted to go to church. Through a series of events, the Lord put on my heart for me to go to Highlands which I was thrilled about. They have put together this new group of young adults who are all in their 20's, singles and married, but no one has kids. I have had to learn to be myself right off, I have had to walk into a room full of people that I don't know without my friends, and it has been great. I pray SOOO hard before social settings that the Lord would give me peace and a sense of security. Because I have given my fear to my Lord, I have been blessed with this amazing peace and it has been so fun. I have loved getting to know new people! I feel like I am in the perfect place because Highlands is my home church so I feel comfortable, but I am meeting all of these new people.

If you read all of that, then give yourself a pat on the back! I know it was a lot, but I wanted to write down all of my thoughts before I forgot them. I hope that everyone is excited about this 3-day weekend coming up. Goodness knows I am! We are headed to a friends lake house, and I can't wait for some fun in the sun.

"Now faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you do not see." Hebrews 11:1

Survival Mode

I have survived my first full week of school! I feel that since I came out alive, then I can face the rest of the school year. This week was wonderful in so many ways. Each day got better and better. My students are sweet and hard workers, the other teachers have been encouraging, and most of all- I SURVIVED! :) I never felt discouraged or that I couldn't do the job. I just feel like I can't be a great teacher right now and that bothers me. I expect things out of myself that I cannot reasonably achieve. I go into the other teachers classrooms and see their centers, KWL charts, etc and cringe because there is none of that in my classroom, and I feel like I am failing as a teacher. But I honestly cannot be doing anything else. I am trying to keep my head above water by just doing what I can. I plan for the week ahead, but am changing things day-to-day. I see things that aren't working in my classroom and so I will change it for the next day. I feel so bad for my students because I keep changing routines and procedures around on them- poor dears! People keep asking me if I am a strict teacher, and I have to say yes and no. Yes because I expect my students to behave, but no in the sense that I feel bad for them since I keep changing everything up on them! I try to be a little lenient because I know it's hard on them. (I know this post is all over the place. Please bare with me!) I keep telling myself that it's only the first week and things will keep getting better. Each week means a steadier pace, an easier routine, and it means that I will keep figuring out what works best for me and my classroom. I don't feel like my students are learning anything, and that makes me feel horrible! I really do feel like I am doing my best- it's just not enough! AH! So frustrating! :) Many people have told me that the first year is awful, that I am feeling normal, that at the end of the year the students really will do well and graduate to the 5th grade, and that the 2nd year is a little bit better, and the 3rd year is when you feel like a seasoned teacher. I am so thankful to have this job, and I am thankful to be at the school where I am at. I know I am there for a God-ordained reason, and am excited to see how He works in me and through me this year. My prayers is that my students see the light of Jesus Christ shining through me even when I am frustrated and frayed!

On a different note, I am excited to say that I am a new small group leader for the 8th grade girls at my church. I grew up going to HPC, and loved the youth group. I have so many memories that involve youth friends and lots of trips! This past year I had been praying about where I would go to church when I moved back to Madison. Through a series of events, the Lord has put on my heart to stay at my home church. There is a new Sunday community group for people in their 20's which I am thrilled about! This weekend we had a 1 night small group leader retreat, and it was deja vu! My old youth pastor is now the pastor of youth and families, and he lead the retreat. It is such a wonderful feeling to know that I grew up in this church and had wonderful people invest in my life. I hope that I can be one of those "special people" for the 8th grade girls! Even though sometimes (or all the time) I feel like I am back in 8th grade and not an adult with a real job! HA!

I am now laying in bed (at 8:15pm), and I am about to turn out the lights! Here's to a new week!

2011 Classroom Tour!

I have always been interested in classroom decor. Even when I was a student in the classroom, I felt like I could know the teacher based on how he/she decorated his/her room. Needless to say, the past four years I have spent dreaming about what it would be like to have my own classroom! I knew that a classroom library and reading center would be a crucial component in my plan. I have always loved to read, and I feel like it opens up so many doors to people. I also knew that I would want my classroom to be organized and non-cluttery. Well as a teacher, it is very hard to be non-cluttery because teachers have so many materials. As a first year teacher, I am sadly lacking in math manipulative and teaching materials, but I hope to add to my small collection very quickly. Hope you enjoy the tour and get a small glimpse of life in my classroom! :)



^ The classroom library and reading center is what you see when you walk straight in the door! There can be no more than two students in the reading center at one time, unless they are browsing.



^ This is to the left of the library/reading center. Thanks Amy for helping me make the valence and all of my pillows! The project turned out great. :) I have 3 student computers, and I am very thankful for those! The boxes on the table are going to be where the students put handouts, worksheets, white boards, etc. That table will also be where they turn in homework, quizzes, tests, etc.



^ This is the view from my desk, which is in the back left hand corner. The board in this picture will be my main teaching board. I don't have a Smart Board, but I have a overhead and computer projector! The books under the board will be distributed to students on the first day, I just didn't have anywhere else to put them! I will hang up the "classroom rules" sign above the board in the middle of the other two signs up there. The rules need to be front and center. Ha!



^This is the view when you walk in to the left. I have the class calendar, rules, procedures, etc on the blue part. I will write homework and morning work on the white board. The school is implementing a "traffic light" behavior system and the students names are magnetic, so it had to be on one of my white boards. I have the cupcake that my mom painted, and I have each month printed out on fun colored paper. I will write the birthdays for that month and then stick it on the cupcake canvas! I thought it was a fun idea that is a little different than other classrooms.



^This is my desk! I positioned my desk at a place where I would be able to see who is entering and exiting my room, and so that I can see all stations around the room.



^This huge piece of furniture was left by the previous teacher, and I am so thankful for it! It is positioned to the right of my desk area. All of the white baskets are the students "cubbies". Each basket has a number that correlates with a student. Their books will be kept at their desks, but I need a place where they can put their "overflow" materials.

I hope you have enjoyed the tour around my classroom. I have had so much fun setting it up, and I can't believe that we have open house on Tuesday and then school starts Wednesday. Time is flying!

Just Keep Swimming

Remember Dori on Finding Nemo and the song she used to sing? "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming." Well that is how I feel right now. I am trying to swim, but I am stuck in the deepest part of the ocean and I can't see the light just yet! I know that this year of teaching is going to be incredibly rough, but I also am still young (and inexperienced) enough to think that I can change the world. Well maybe I know that I can't change the world, but I can certainly change the minds of my 4th graders. I have dreams for my classroom. I hope that it can be a fun place where my kids can be themselves, but I also want them to learn. I want them to be focused, and I want them to get what I try to teach them. I want it to be an atmosphere that is encouraging and not controlling. Again, I know that that this is an extremely idealistic point of view. I am enough of a realist to know that my dreams will most likely be crushed, and that this will be the hardest year of my life. I want this blog to be a place where I can write my feelings out. I want to remember my highs and lows of this year.

Today was the first day that I was able to go to my classroom!! It was exciting, yet discouraging. Exciting because I now have my very own classroom. I have been working towards this day the past 22 years of my life. From the time I was young, all I wanted to do was be a mommy and a teacher. I know without a shadow of a doubt that the Lord has called me to this profession. With His will and guidance, I know that I can be a great teacher. However, as a first year teacher I am obviously completely unprepared for this year. Those of you who know me, know that I am a planner to the extreme. I am a big picture thinker, and I love to think ahead. But I literally cannot see the big picture. I have so many questions that cant be answered by another teacher, they are answers that I have to learn for myself by going through the motions.

I came home today and sat in my moms bed and cried for the 1st time. (I'm not really sure that it bodes will for me to have already cried before I even begin my job!) I cried because I am extremely overwhelmed. I know that I don't have enough instruction materials, I have no idea of how to even begin that first week of class. Do 4th graders know their multiplication facts? If not, how do I even begin to teach that?! What is a word that is too hard for them to spell? Is Charlottes Web ok to begin reading with them the 1st week of class, or do they need to work up to that book? Where do I want them to put their supplies? Do I want to have my makeup folder by the door or by my desk? What do I put in the supply cabinet? Do I put all of the students supplies or my supplies? Where do I put the reading center? What math manipulatives do I need to buy? How do I go about buying them? As you can see, I have many questions. On top of these questions are about 1000 more (just ask my poor mother, she sat and listened to all of them).

I know that this year is going to be an incredible year in so many ways. It will be incredibly difficult. It will be incredibly exciting. It will be a year of incredible growth as a teacher and in my walk with the Lord. I know that Jesus will continue to sanctify me throughout this process. I am so incredibly excited, but also incredibly terrified!

These next few weeks I will continue to swim through the deep water and be gasping for breath. But I do know that the light will come soon, and all I have to do is just keep swimming!

"For you, O God, tested us; you refined us like silver." Psalm 66:10

Family Vacation!

Our 2nd annual family reunion is coming up in just a few short days. All of my moms' side of the family are heading to Galveston, TX for a week of fun in the sun! Last year we went on a 7 day cruise to Cozumel, the Grand Cayman Islands, and Jamaica! Here are a few pictures from last year.












This year we will be staying in Galveston and hanging out at the bay house. Since we can't all sleep at the bay house, we are staying at the Diamond Beach Resort! It is absolutely beautiful. It has three pools and a lazy river that I am sure to enjoy. Since Pops lives on the bay, we will be able to see all the 4th of July fireworks that go off in Gavleston, Kema, and Houston! It will be a great show. We are planning a girls shopping day in Houston and a family trip to Schlitterbahn, which is an awesome water park in town.

All of the cousins are so excited, and we are so thankful for our time together. The Lord has blessed us with a close-knit family, and they are priceless. I know that it will be a week filled with laughter, fun times, and many memories! My moms sister, Bonnie, lives in Oregon so we don't get to see their family as often as we would like. Marie also moved out to California, so we don't get to see her often anymore either. Even though it's only once a year, we cherish our time together. I am so happy to know that I not only call my cousins my family, but my friends as well. There is nothing that we would not do for each other, and for that I am certainly blessed!

I am flying out tomorrow and will arrive a few days before the rest of the crew gets to the island. I am going to help Nana and Pops get ready for 26 people to bombard their house! We have lots of errands to run and grocery/Sam's Club shopping to do. I am looking forward to my last week of vacation because when I get back its time to get a head start on the school year!!!

Praise the Lord!

As I put on Facebook earlier, I am now an employee of the Yazoo County School District. I am beyond thrilled! The school that I am working at was my top choice of schools, and I am so thankful to be working there. I found out while I was in Switzerland (how cool is that?) that they wanted to offer me a 4th grade position. It was the only place where we had Internet 24/7, so I was able to communicate with the principal very quickly.
Once I got home, I called the school to make sure they had emailed the right person! HA. It was just so hard to wrap my head around it while on the trip. I talked with the principal and she encouraged me and said that she was excited to have me. This past week I was able to see my classroom and meet two of the teachers who I will be working with. There are four 4th grade teachers, so thankfully I will have 3 other teachers as my support system!
I am slightly (ok maybe extremely) overwhelmed! I am not sure what I need to do for preparation, and it is not something that the other teachers can just tell me to do. They were able to answer my questions, but it seemed with every answer I had more questions! I didn't want to be annoying so I tried to keep my questions down to a minimum. If you know me, then you know this was not easy! I am a planner, and a "big picture" girl. Right now, I am not sure what to be planning for and I have no idea of any type of "picture" of how the school year will go.
I am very excited to start looking at the curriculum and frameworks. I also can't wait to decorate my classroom! My mom has given me some great canvas paintings over the last few months, and I can't wait to put those on my walls to spruce up the place a bit.
I am over the moon about teaching, but I am also terrified! I know that I will mess up, but I will put my heart and soul into teaching those precious children. God has given me a gift of loving children, and I want to do all that I can for them. I am praying for my students right now. I know that they will be in my classroom for a reason, and I hope that I can show the love of Jesus to those kiddos. I know this year will be rough (for many, many reasons), but I am confident that I can do the job. I loved student teaching, and I am excited about having my own classroom.

Thank you Jesus for my job!!!!!

Rome

Rome was really great. Out of all of the Italian cities that we went to, it was the most "city" like. It was very Americanized and was extremely touristy. We arrived in Rome around 4pm. We had to wait on the street for about 45 minutes for someone to come let us in our apartment. The area that we stayed in was not unsafe, but we felt like it was because we were targets with all of our stuff sitting on the street. It was like we were yelling "3 girls are staying ALONE in an apartment with all of their stuff!" Not good. Anyways, someone finally came and she spoke no English. We got on an elevator that was probably installed the year that elevators came out and rode to the 5th floor. (Note-we used the stairs the rest of the trip.) The lady showed us to our apartment which was not great but not terrible. We decided that we needed some food and we needed to go explore Rome a little bit! I suggested that we try our key to make sure that it worked and we knew how to use it before everyone went out of the apartment. Thankfully we did that because we literally could not get our key to open the door. All 3 of us tried to open it for like 45 minutes. We then spent another 45 minutes trying to communicate with a company who only has Italian speaking employees. We finally got in touch with someone and they said that a man would come by around 8pm to let us in our apartment. We were exhausted, frustrated, and starving. We decided to leave and go get dinner from a nearby place and then go back to the apartment at 8. Well the only place around there was a a place that is not even a restaurant. Imagine an American gas station but without having gas. That is where we ate. It was disgusting. We were all pretty discouraged and very unhappy. BUT we sat there for a few moments and then we all decided to change our attitudes! WE WERE IN ROME!!! So we laughed (sorta) and reminded ourselves that we would one day laugh about that night. We split a pizza and decided to really go eat after we figured out how to get in our apartment. Long story short (kinda) the man let us in, and off we went to explore! We found a nice restaurant a couple of blocks away and had dinner. We walked back at like 10pm, and we didn't quite feel very comfortable. We basically ran back to our apartment, ran up the stairs, and locked the door! We got ready for bed, promised to readjust our attitudes (again) for the next few days and hit the hay.

The next morning we stopped by a coffee/pastry shop and then headed to the Colosseum! It was an incredible experience. Aside from communion in Westminster Abbey, this was my favorite touristy thing that we did the whole trip. Knowing the history that had happened in the colosseum, especially what happened to christians in there made the whole experience very real. I have read A Voice in the Wind by Francine Rivers a million times, and the way that she brings the colosseum to life is vivid. When I walked into the colosseum I pictured what she had written about and I was in awe. I almost felt bad to take a picture and smile inside of there because so much evil had gone on in the arena. I was moved to tears at one point just because of the emotions that were running through me. We then headed to the Roman Forum and Capital Hill. We stopped by Mamertine Prison which is where Peter and Paul were held in jail.

We saw the Pantheon and we loved that area of town. If you are heading to Rome, then stay in that area! It had lots of quaint restaurants and a fun atmosphere. We got gelato from Giolitti's which is Rome's most famous and oldest gelato place! It was AMAZING. I got a pistachio and chocolate cone the first time and then a chocolate and cinnamon cone the next time. They also put a dollop of fresh whip cream right on the cone. Delicous! My mouth is watering just thinking about it. We walked by the Spanish Steps and there were tons of people sitting on them. They were also a lot smaller than what I was envisioning.

Rome was a great city, but I would not necessarily want to go back. There are other parts of Italy that I would want to go back to and lots of new places that I want to go to. I am so thankful for the opportunity to go, and I will always remember my time in Rome!